When we know what they are and how to handle them, triggers can fuel growth and expansion like nothing else. But if we don't they can be the bain of your existance. They can cause constant fighting. They can cause massive rifts in your relationship. They can be the beginning of the end.
As long as you understand them and can work through your reactions, triggers can be your gateway to growth. It's when we let them be more than energetics, when we react and hold onto them, that they can be destructive.
Luke triggers the FUCK out of me, just so you know, there is no perfect relationship and most likely, you're going to choose a partner who triggers you so you can grow. So you can learn and expand. And by this, I don't mean someone who does it out of spite or ego or because they don't own their shit. That person needs to go in the bin. Unless your partner is able to look at themselves the how they are playing into what is going on in your relationship, it's going to be an ongoing battle.
I never even KNEW what triggers were before I started diving into self work deeper than I had ever been a few years ago. I just got my back up every time I was triggered and had this full on emotional reaction, I am surprised smoke didn't burst out of my ears. I would yell, I would storm off, I would do the silent treatment, the whole bit. To be honest, I had been dong this since I was a little Cindra. Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!
Not once did I lean in and listen for the message. I didn't use it as a learning opportunity or ask for feedback and no conscious convos were had around this. It was just say sorry and then go through the same things again a few days later...Anyone else with me here? Repeating patterns of triggering - I would be told something, it would fire off something in me, they would react to that energy and BOOM. Or the cycle would be reversed. Highly charged, highly unconscious. Highly devastating.
NOW I can look back and understand what they are and WHY they happen, I can stop and check myself. Is this my ego being challenged, is there an actual problem or are we just not communicating properly? Yes, I still react, but I can come full circle MUCH quicker, minutes not days. This is after years of working on myself, of owning my shit and of showing up in my relationship with Luke completely transparent and open.
This even happened this morning. We had a bit of a blow up over the phone. I called Luke back and asked if we could look a bit deeper into what had happened. I explained where I was coming from and he shared his perspective. We brainstormed how we could approach this differently next time and hung up with saying I love you. In times gone by, I would have held onto that ALL day and it would have turned into a huge drama.
I actually enjoy the process and it's almost comical sometimes coming back from a huge reaction like WTF just happened and figuring out where the opportunity is to look a little deeper...Each time it happens now, we talk about it. I ponder it alone. We work out how we can do better next time.
What is your experience with triggers in your relationships? I would love to hear from you in the comments below 👇🏼